Hello friends!! First - THANK YOU for all the emails, texts, messages, prayers, good vibes, etc. today! We have amazing friends and family! Second - what happened today in court involved a minor, plus some major emotions - so I can't share too much. However, parental rights are gone for both parents. There is still time for an appeal, ten days.
When I picked J up from school today I wondered if he might say something prophetic. (He knew nothing about was happening today - he's two and half - it's just another day for him.) But I turn around and look at him in the backseat and he's putting fruit snacks in his water bottle - I just had to laugh. For this smart, adorable, funny, loving two and a half year old, today was simply another day that he played with friends and was surrounded by people who love him. And that's the way every day should, and will, be.
My lovely family
Wednesday, August 16, 2017
Monday, August 14, 2017
50 hours...
I’m going to pour my heart out here. I need it. I need this
as therapy for me.
Over a year and a half ago I decided to get on with life.
Maybe it was not in the cards for a husband to happen during child bearing
years. Time to move on. I decided I would sign up to be a foster momma. So I
did. I started classes. I decided I’d go through the process to be an adoptive
parent too, just in case that was ever what needed to happen. (Plus it was only a few extra papers to sign
and one extra home visit.) Then Kearby came along. Sheesh, lol! You can’t
imagine how amazing he is. He knew I was starting this journey so he wanted to
get in the picture before he had to compete with some cute kid. This dude
signed up for foster parenting classes y’all – after only dating me for a few months.
My friends told me that once that happened, they knew he was the one. Who even
does that? “Hey, she’s cute, fun, and awesome – she wants to foster so I’ll get
in on that, too.” He is honestly the most amazing man. He is worth every tear I
cried during break-ups and about being single for so long, he is the answer to
decades of prayers. I can not wait to marry him in 40-some days. Anyway, back
to this fostering thing. The main goal was to have a kiddo in my life for a
year at a time, or less – love them, care for them, show them what a safe life is,
pray for them, teach them about God’s love, etc. etc. Then this kiddo would go
back to a family who worked hard to get him/her back. Also, turns out, I signed
up for therapeutic foster parenting – I didn’t really understand what that was
but that’s where I ended up, so I stuck with it. (You can google it, it’s a bit
different than ‘typical’ foster parenting.)
So fast forward to Sept 2016. I’m going to provide respite
for a family for the weekend. There is this cute little girl who I went to
visit at her foster home who was going to spend the weekend with me. I got some
removable letter wall decals and put her name on the wall in the room she’d be
staying in. I was making plans, it was going to be great! I rec’d a call
earlier in the week about some brothers. But then that was pretty much nixed.
But then it wasn’t. I get a call later in the week and the younger of the two
brothers may come in to care on Friday, when I’m supposed to pick up H from
school for the weekend. You can go back and find the post about water everywhere
on the first floor of my house that weekend, too – looking back just stirs up
anxiety, it was crazy. So now to Sept 16, 2016. I end up walking in to People
Places in Cville with a little girl then another family comes to pick her up to
provide respite. And a caseworker from another city/county walks in with this 22
month old and there ya go. J is now a part of
my life. Could be a few days, could be a few months. The first months were
rough. I didn’t share the hard part as much as the fun parts but I went through
so many emotions. I cried almost every day. Wow, life was nuts.  |
| Family trip to Lewis Ginter Botanical Gardens on August 5th. |
Here we are today. I take J to see his birth mom for their supervised visits all
but one Tuesday a month, when his foster care consultant from People Places
takes him. From our home it’s close to an hour and a half drive, one way. She
is always there. She loves her son. She wants him. We take her framed photos on
Mother’s Day. We take her some of his artwork from school. I always do my very
best to speak positively about her in front of him and encourage him to give
her lots of hugs and kisses and “I love yous” at the end of the visits.
This Weds, August 16th, it will be exactly 11 months since I was handed a kid on a Friday. I didn’t know his middle name for months. I had to figure out the size of diaper he had on so I could go buy more of that size. I had to hope he had no food or medical allergies. I didn’t know his sleep schedule. I didn’t know his bedtime routine. I signed a piece of paper and took a 22-month-old boy home. This Weds at 1:30 in a county in Virginia there will be two hearings. The goal for a child in foster care is almost always return home – until it isn’t. J’s goal has been filed as adoption. However, the judge has the final say. Just because DSS files the goal as adoption, it doesn’t mean the judge will decide that.
I didn’t originally sign up for this. I mean, if they had given me a tiny baby from the get go, I’m sure I’d have wanted to adopt it from day one, but who knows. Looking back, I think my intentions were to care for a kid and then send him/her to an improved home life. (And obviously it’s not that simple, there are specialists and doctor visits, all kinds of strangers in your home for visits, meetings, trainings, taking the kiddo to see birth mom/parents every week, not to mention just caring for the kid…) But here we are. As I write this, 50 hours, from court. I’m literally sick. Yes, there is a lot going on in life – wedding planning, jobs, geriatric dog, pre-wedding events, work, meals, kiddo – you know, life. I’ve had sinus stuff going on for a month now and finally started antibiotics last week. Because I’m so stressed about court in 50 hours, I’m not getting better and of course the antibiotics aren’t making my digestive system happy, plus it’s not happy due to the stress and anxiety. I had crazy nightmares last night and was afraid to fall back to sleep. I have anxiety disorder so everything is even more exacerbated and it’s ramping up its own crap-show.
So why am I writing all of this?
I needed to. I needed to put it in black and white. I need to share. I need this as therapy. I need you to know that I’m in tears. That I’m stressed. That I’m literally sick. I also need you to know that Kearby is the most amazing and supportive man and that God broke the mold (in a good way!) with him! I need you to know what foster parents go through. I need you to know that more foster parents are needed. I need you to know that if you choose to foster I will sit by your side and hold your hand while you cry because of everything and because of nothing. I need you to pray. Even if you don’t believe in God, pray for us anyway, please. I need to see this and remind myself to give it to God. There is literally nothing we can do except keep loving J, praying for J, and living a wonderful life with him.
This little dude, the best little dude. He has so many people in his life who love him. The system worked for him. He got help and care and is doing perfectly developmentally and health wise. We have papers from doctors and specialist to prove it – but watching him grow and play each day – we already know he’s perfect. After months of prayers and conversations, we know we could never not adopt him if he comes available for adoption. He’s already our son, and he always will be, no matter who he lives with.
So now we wait, we pray, we give it to God who already had this whole situation before it began. We love our son. We pray for his birth families. We pray for the judge. We pray.
This Weds, August 16th, it will be exactly 11 months since I was handed a kid on a Friday. I didn’t know his middle name for months. I had to figure out the size of diaper he had on so I could go buy more of that size. I had to hope he had no food or medical allergies. I didn’t know his sleep schedule. I didn’t know his bedtime routine. I signed a piece of paper and took a 22-month-old boy home. This Weds at 1:30 in a county in Virginia there will be two hearings. The goal for a child in foster care is almost always return home – until it isn’t. J’s goal has been filed as adoption. However, the judge has the final say. Just because DSS files the goal as adoption, it doesn’t mean the judge will decide that.
I didn’t originally sign up for this. I mean, if they had given me a tiny baby from the get go, I’m sure I’d have wanted to adopt it from day one, but who knows. Looking back, I think my intentions were to care for a kid and then send him/her to an improved home life. (And obviously it’s not that simple, there are specialists and doctor visits, all kinds of strangers in your home for visits, meetings, trainings, taking the kiddo to see birth mom/parents every week, not to mention just caring for the kid…) But here we are. As I write this, 50 hours, from court. I’m literally sick. Yes, there is a lot going on in life – wedding planning, jobs, geriatric dog, pre-wedding events, work, meals, kiddo – you know, life. I’ve had sinus stuff going on for a month now and finally started antibiotics last week. Because I’m so stressed about court in 50 hours, I’m not getting better and of course the antibiotics aren’t making my digestive system happy, plus it’s not happy due to the stress and anxiety. I had crazy nightmares last night and was afraid to fall back to sleep. I have anxiety disorder so everything is even more exacerbated and it’s ramping up its own crap-show.
So why am I writing all of this?
I needed to. I needed to put it in black and white. I need to share. I need this as therapy. I need you to know that I’m in tears. That I’m stressed. That I’m literally sick. I also need you to know that Kearby is the most amazing and supportive man and that God broke the mold (in a good way!) with him! I need you to know what foster parents go through. I need you to know that more foster parents are needed. I need you to know that if you choose to foster I will sit by your side and hold your hand while you cry because of everything and because of nothing. I need you to pray. Even if you don’t believe in God, pray for us anyway, please. I need to see this and remind myself to give it to God. There is literally nothing we can do except keep loving J, praying for J, and living a wonderful life with him.
This little dude, the best little dude. He has so many people in his life who love him. The system worked for him. He got help and care and is doing perfectly developmentally and health wise. We have papers from doctors and specialist to prove it – but watching him grow and play each day – we already know he’s perfect. After months of prayers and conversations, we know we could never not adopt him if he comes available for adoption. He’s already our son, and he always will be, no matter who he lives with.
So now we wait, we pray, we give it to God who already had this whole situation before it began. We love our son. We pray for his birth families. We pray for the judge. We pray.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
FAQs
Thank you for sticking with me and checking in for
another riveting installment of, “What in the world is Rachel up to now?!”
I’ve had many questions about foster care, the
process, the kiddo, etc – so I thought I’d make this post a FAQ post. I’m
probably forgetting many questions I’ve been asked but I hope the following
helps. Please feel free to ask me questions at any time, I’m happy to answer if
I know the answer or am able to. I appreciate all questions but many things
about the situation are confidential so I can’t share those things. If I tell
you that I’m not able to share the answer to your question with you, please do
not be offended or think that I don’t trust you, but behind children in foster
care are families going through court cases – so legally I need to keep a good
deal of information private. The questions below are in no particular order.
How old is your foster son?:
He’ll be two in November
He’ll be two in November
Where is he from?:
He’s from a surrounding county/city
He’s from a surrounding county/city
Does he see his family?:
Yes, he currently visits with birth-Mom once a week.
Yes, he currently visits with birth-Mom once a week.
Have you met her?:
Yes, I have. I take him to his visits at the DSS office that’s handling his case. Mom is usually in the waiting room when we arrive so they get to connect right away. His case worker comes out and takes Mom and kiddo back and then I’m free to wait there or head out. I’ve been using this time to run errands. When I get back I wait for them to come back to the waiting room. He leaves the building with me. He’s a little sad when we go but he knows he’s leaving with an adult he trusts and I try to distract his attention with fruit snacks.
Yes, I have. I take him to his visits at the DSS office that’s handling his case. Mom is usually in the waiting room when we arrive so they get to connect right away. His case worker comes out and takes Mom and kiddo back and then I’m free to wait there or head out. I’ve been using this time to run errands. When I get back I wait for them to come back to the waiting room. He leaves the building with me. He’s a little sad when we go but he knows he’s leaving with an adult he trusts and I try to distract his attention with fruit snacks.
Is Mom nice to you?:
Yes, Mom is nice. We talk about him and what he’s been up to. I think she’s glad to know he’s in a safe, loving place while she works to get herself to a place where he can be back in her custody.
Yes, Mom is nice. We talk about him and what he’s been up to. I think she’s glad to know he’s in a safe, loving place while she works to get herself to a place where he can be back in her custody.
How long with you have him?:
Short answer, I don’t know. When a child is removed from his/her family, the family usually has a long list of things that must happen before the child can be returned. The family is provided with services to help them accomplish what is needed. The goal, at first, is always for the child to return to his/her family (provided the reason for removal wasn’t horrendous). These days, families have probably a minimum of 10 months or so to accomplish many things on their list. They must continue to show that they are moving forward and making progress. Each case, each family, each DSS, each Judge, etc. are all different so there’s not a specific answer to how long a child could be in care. While all this is going on, DSS is looking for relatives or friends of the family who the child could be with – someone the family already has a relationship with. My little guy could be with me for a few more months, many more months, or a few years – I just don’t know. However, my very rough guesstimating tells me he’ll be with me at least through the holidays.
Short answer, I don’t know. When a child is removed from his/her family, the family usually has a long list of things that must happen before the child can be returned. The family is provided with services to help them accomplish what is needed. The goal, at first, is always for the child to return to his/her family (provided the reason for removal wasn’t horrendous). These days, families have probably a minimum of 10 months or so to accomplish many things on their list. They must continue to show that they are moving forward and making progress. Each case, each family, each DSS, each Judge, etc. are all different so there’s not a specific answer to how long a child could be in care. While all this is going on, DSS is looking for relatives or friends of the family who the child could be with – someone the family already has a relationship with. My little guy could be with me for a few more months, many more months, or a few years – I just don’t know. However, my very rough guesstimating tells me he’ll be with me at least through the holidays.
Isn’t that hard? Not knowing?:
Yes, yes it is. But it’s part of the process. I’m not doing this for me. I understand I could get a call any day that they have a relative for him to go with. But I care for him, love him, and provide a safe home for him each day – knowing that’s one more day that I’m certain he’s in good care.
Yes, yes it is. But it’s part of the process. I’m not doing this for me. I understand I could get a call any day that they have a relative for him to go with. But I care for him, love him, and provide a safe home for him each day – knowing that’s one more day that I’m certain he’s in good care.
Why don’t you use his name online, in emails, in texts
– or email, text, or post photos of him?:
This is for his privacy and the family’s privacy. Again, they’re going through a court case. They may have not told everyone in their lives that this is happening and could be embarrassed, scared, frustrated, etc. so foster parents cannot chance the child’s identity being found online where someone else could recognize the child. In the future the child may not want anyone to know he/she was in foster care – and if the child was young enough – he or she may not even remember it.
This is for his privacy and the family’s privacy. Again, they’re going through a court case. They may have not told everyone in their lives that this is happening and could be embarrassed, scared, frustrated, etc. so foster parents cannot chance the child’s identity being found online where someone else could recognize the child. In the future the child may not want anyone to know he/she was in foster care – and if the child was young enough – he or she may not even remember it.
Where is your foster son during the weekdays?:
He’s in a local daycare.
He’s in a local daycare.
Isn’t child care a big hit on your budget?:
Because I work full-time, his child care is paid for.
Because I work full-time, his child care is paid for.
Who do you go through to become a foster parent?:
I’m certified through People Places of Charlottesville. They’re a great group to work with! If you’re interested in learning more about them, let me know! People Places certifies Therapeutic Foster Parents, which is what I’m certified as. This means our children need more support and we receive more support as we engage on this journey.
I’m certified through People Places of Charlottesville. They’re a great group to work with! If you’re interested in learning more about them, let me know! People Places certifies Therapeutic Foster Parents, which is what I’m certified as. This means our children need more support and we receive more support as we engage on this journey.
Do you get money for being a foster parent?:
Yes, you get a tax-free stipend to help cover the additional expenses of having another person in your home and you get a small amount of money to help with clothing. There are more details but I won’t go in to all of them. If you’ve heard anyone else who fosters say that they “don’t do it for the money,” they mean it. I’m not making money off of my little guy, just getting a little extra to help with the extra bills. However, don’t let this hinder you if you’re thinking of fostering, if you spend the money wisely then you’ll come out just fine. You shouldn’t go in to debt from fostering.
Yes, you get a tax-free stipend to help cover the additional expenses of having another person in your home and you get a small amount of money to help with clothing. There are more details but I won’t go in to all of them. If you’ve heard anyone else who fosters say that they “don’t do it for the money,” they mean it. I’m not making money off of my little guy, just getting a little extra to help with the extra bills. However, don’t let this hinder you if you’re thinking of fostering, if you spend the money wisely then you’ll come out just fine. You shouldn’t go in to debt from fostering.
You’re not married but you are able to foster?:
Yes, single people can foster. Married people can foster. Straight people can foster. Gay people can foster. Young people can foster. Older people can foster. People with kids at home can foster. People who have never had children can foster. People who own their home can foster. People who rent can foster. ALL types of people are needed because there is a vast array of children in the system who need a safe home and loving family – and families look many different ways.
Yes, single people can foster. Married people can foster. Straight people can foster. Gay people can foster. Young people can foster. Older people can foster. People with kids at home can foster. People who have never had children can foster. People who own their home can foster. People who rent can foster. ALL types of people are needed because there is a vast array of children in the system who need a safe home and loving family – and families look many different ways.
Where was your foster son last Sunday, he wasn’t at
church with you?:
I was using what is known as “respite.” My boyfriend and I went to a wedding Saturday night and I knew I’d be getting home late. I called in the reinforcements! Foster parents are encouraged to use respite when needed. This means the child goes to the home of another foster parent/family and spends at least one night. I have used respite twice now – there is a wonderful couple who my little guy has spent the night with who lives near me. They have been certified as foster parents for around five years and are great with him.
I was using what is known as “respite.” My boyfriend and I went to a wedding Saturday night and I knew I’d be getting home late. I called in the reinforcements! Foster parents are encouraged to use respite when needed. This means the child goes to the home of another foster parent/family and spends at least one night. I have used respite twice now – there is a wonderful couple who my little guy has spent the night with who lives near me. They have been certified as foster parents for around five years and are great with him.
Can you use a babysitter?:
My foster son can be left, for short periods, in the care of people I trust. He can be left in the church nursery, a gym’s nursery, with family or friends, with my boyfriend (who is certified to help with foster children I have), etc. He can only spend the night with certified foster families, hence the respite.
My foster son can be left, for short periods, in the care of people I trust. He can be left in the church nursery, a gym’s nursery, with family or friends, with my boyfriend (who is certified to help with foster children I have), etc. He can only spend the night with certified foster families, hence the respite.
How is this different than having a biological child?:
Some of the differences are: my child has visits to see biological family (currently once a week); my child has additional doctor’s appts; there is a team working with my child so I have to share medical updates, behavior changes, etc; I have different people coming in to my home to check on the child, currently DSS and my PP family consultant, but could also have the Guardian ad litem (GAL), a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) worker, Infant-Toddler services, etc.; there are currently almost daily phone calls/emails/texts with PP and DSS; I have to keep receipts to turn in sometimes; there are court dates, family planning meetings, etc. on my calendar – I attend if/when I can; I don’t know a lot of my child’s history (it was almost three weeks before I learned his middle name); I have to ask people not to take photos of my foster son that will be shared; I have to get permission to take him on trips out of the state; I know I can’t keep him forever… Another difference is that when someone babysits or watches your child – you give your child over to that person/family with instructions, likes/dislikes, allergies, bath routine, bedtime routine, diaper sizes, etc. I got none of that. I was given a kid on a Friday afternoon, I signed a paper, and we were on our way. I did not know his bed time, his routine, food information – I had to start from scratch, but with a 22 month old.
Some of the differences are: my child has visits to see biological family (currently once a week); my child has additional doctor’s appts; there is a team working with my child so I have to share medical updates, behavior changes, etc; I have different people coming in to my home to check on the child, currently DSS and my PP family consultant, but could also have the Guardian ad litem (GAL), a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) worker, Infant-Toddler services, etc.; there are currently almost daily phone calls/emails/texts with PP and DSS; I have to keep receipts to turn in sometimes; there are court dates, family planning meetings, etc. on my calendar – I attend if/when I can; I don’t know a lot of my child’s history (it was almost three weeks before I learned his middle name); I have to ask people not to take photos of my foster son that will be shared; I have to get permission to take him on trips out of the state; I know I can’t keep him forever… Another difference is that when someone babysits or watches your child – you give your child over to that person/family with instructions, likes/dislikes, allergies, bath routine, bedtime routine, diaper sizes, etc. I got none of that. I was given a kid on a Friday afternoon, I signed a paper, and we were on our way. I did not know his bed time, his routine, food information – I had to start from scratch, but with a 22 month old.
Could you keep him?:
There is a lot that has to happen for my guy before they could even get to the point where he may be available for adoption. That’s at the bottom of a long list. However, if he became available and if I felt I could care for him for the rest of his life, it would be a possibility. When becoming certified through People Places they ask if you are interested in becoming certified to adopt. It is an additional home visit during the screening/certification process and some additional paperwork, so I did become certified to adopt.
There is a lot that has to happen for my guy before they could even get to the point where he may be available for adoption. That’s at the bottom of a long list. However, if he became available and if I felt I could care for him for the rest of his life, it would be a possibility. When becoming certified through People Places they ask if you are interested in becoming certified to adopt. It is an additional home visit during the screening/certification process and some additional paperwork, so I did become certified to adopt.
Won’t it break your heart when he leaves you?:
Yes it will. I feel more connected to him each day and he is bonding with me. However, I know that what may be best for him is to be with his birth-family, the people who know him and his story. Additionally, while I can say all of that out loud and know it in my head, it doesn’t mean my heart believes it. But the goal is to make the world a better place for this little boy and to make this little boy better for the world. He may go away in a year and never remember me, but his heart will know that as a toddler he felt so much love and was safe and cared for and that could make all the difference in his life. I have to remind myself almost daily that I’m doing this for him. This is not for me. Yes, I do love having him and he’s so much fun, but I want to make a difference in our universe, so at this moment in my life this is how I feel God calling me to do so.
Yes it will. I feel more connected to him each day and he is bonding with me. However, I know that what may be best for him is to be with his birth-family, the people who know him and his story. Additionally, while I can say all of that out loud and know it in my head, it doesn’t mean my heart believes it. But the goal is to make the world a better place for this little boy and to make this little boy better for the world. He may go away in a year and never remember me, but his heart will know that as a toddler he felt so much love and was safe and cared for and that could make all the difference in his life. I have to remind myself almost daily that I’m doing this for him. This is not for me. Yes, I do love having him and he’s so much fun, but I want to make a difference in our universe, so at this moment in my life this is how I feel God calling me to do so.
How do you do it?:
Prayers, support and love from friends and family, finding time to take care of myself, tears, caffeine, and more love…
Prayers, support and love from friends and family, finding time to take care of myself, tears, caffeine, and more love…
Thursday, October 6, 2016
THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well - I don't even know where to begin... I'll try to begin at the beginning and include as much as I can remember so either my memory will work and this will be a very long post - or I'll have a foster-mom-brain moment and you won't have much to read... Here we go!
Thursday, Sept 15th started like any other. I got up, got ready, and that day I drove to Richmond for a Common Table meeting. I had had some conversations earlier in the week about a possible placement of two little brothers, ages 4 and 1, but after following up with an email on Thursday it sounded like another placement was found. I was planning to do respite for a super cute and energetic girl over the weekend and was pretty excited about having a girly weekend. I had used removable stickers and put her name on the wall in the room she'd be staying in. I arrive home late Thursday afternoon and notice a puddle of water on the sidewalk in front of my neighbor's house and also on his front stoop. I knew it hadn't rained - but he recently purchased the home and I figured some work was being done. So I stick the key in my front door, open it, and am greeted by standing water. STANDING WATER Y'ALL, IN MY HOUSE! Deep breath Rachel, find the source, shut it off, clean it up. Okay, got it. I figured it was from something in the kitchen - but no... hmm, downstairs bathroom? No... hmmm, washer? No... weird. Nothing is leaking. I walk next door (our townhouses are duplexes) and no one answers. I walk around back and there is water pouring out the back of my neighbor's house where the wall meets the foundation and his half of the backyard looks like a swimming pool. WHAT THE HECK?! Okay, water is seeping into my home from my neighbor's and no one is home. Deep breath Rachel, get his water shut off. Called the water company, they can't just turn off a neighbor's water because you ask them (duh, Rachel), called the non-emergency police number and talked to a very helpful officer and within minutes a big ol' fire truck was in front of my house. (Side note, Cooper is loving the water BTW, he's LAYING in the water in my house - the water hadn't seeped over to the furthest back wall in the living room, so there are dry places to lay, but NO, Cooper is chilling in the water and licking it off the carpet, sheesh.) So here are these three nice fire-fighting folks who train to save lives - but they're just here to shut off the water. They search my house, realize what I know - that's it coming from my neighbor's house - shut of my power and head back outside. I know, you're thinking, "Rachel, why didn't you just call your neighbor?" Well, dear friend, it never occurred to me to get his number. He was going to clean up the place and rent it out and we'd only met once or twice. (You'll be happy to know I do have his number... now...) They walk around and look inside and are getting ready to bust in the door when my neighbor shows up, he actually lives nearby and I think he saw the truck and drove over to see why it was in front of his house. He and the firefighters head in and find INCHES of water covering the first floor. The culprit - he had his water turned on earlier that day and the previous owner had removed the washer but left the valve open. Hey - so - lesson to all of you purchasing a home - be there when the water is turned on or make sure EVERYTHING water could come out of is off.
Here I am thinking, "I have a little girl coming over tomorrow for the weekend, what do I do now?" I called the placement coordinator and told her the situation, she was going to see if she could find another family to take her. I call my parents, boyfriend, insurance and ServPro. Fast forward to 9:30pm and my first floor has half a dozen industrial fans blowing and a dehumidifier running. My parents had come over - originally to see how they could help - but we ended up hanging out and watching an episode of the X-Files (which I recently found on Netflix and began watching, had to sleep with a light on after the first few episodes...) My boyfriend had come over with the snack I requested - chips and dip. My head was spinning and no one else had been found to watch the little girl. "Okay, Rachel, this is what adults train for: stressful situations that need to be put in their place. Get organized and get your head in the game." Yeah, whatever, I went to bed...
Friday morning rolls around. I'm watching an adorable two-year-old for a few hours and am exhausted from the evening before. I rec'd a call on the way to watch her that a family had been found - but I'm feeling more in control of the situation and had been looking forward to a girly weekend - so I say I'm still game to watch her. Then I get another call. It's the one. THE ONE. The one that has changed my life. It was about the little brothers, the 4 and 1 year old. The four year old was going with family but DSS was going to court to get the one year old removed. Would I take a one year old boy as an emergency placement if he was removed from his home? UH - YES! People Places then did one of the many things they do best - they set a game plan. They would call back the other family to do respite for the little girl and I would get the little boy - if he was removed. There were a lot of moving parts to the situation, a lot of phone calls, and a million thoughts running through my head. The outcome: I picked up the sweet girl from school, took her for frozen yogurt, explained what was happening and then took her to People Places to play until the other family could come get her. While I was there "J" arrived and I was an instant foster-mom.
I have a million more things to share about these first, almost-three-weeks, and hope to get them written down soon - but reliving all of the above sure took a lot out of me. It also reminded me that I have an appt today with an insurance adjuster and that I'm tired of dealing with insurance.
To be continued...
Thursday, Sept 15th started like any other. I got up, got ready, and that day I drove to Richmond for a Common Table meeting. I had had some conversations earlier in the week about a possible placement of two little brothers, ages 4 and 1, but after following up with an email on Thursday it sounded like another placement was found. I was planning to do respite for a super cute and energetic girl over the weekend and was pretty excited about having a girly weekend. I had used removable stickers and put her name on the wall in the room she'd be staying in. I arrive home late Thursday afternoon and notice a puddle of water on the sidewalk in front of my neighbor's house and also on his front stoop. I knew it hadn't rained - but he recently purchased the home and I figured some work was being done. So I stick the key in my front door, open it, and am greeted by standing water. STANDING WATER Y'ALL, IN MY HOUSE! Deep breath Rachel, find the source, shut it off, clean it up. Okay, got it. I figured it was from something in the kitchen - but no... hmm, downstairs bathroom? No... hmmm, washer? No... weird. Nothing is leaking. I walk next door (our townhouses are duplexes) and no one answers. I walk around back and there is water pouring out the back of my neighbor's house where the wall meets the foundation and his half of the backyard looks like a swimming pool. WHAT THE HECK?! Okay, water is seeping into my home from my neighbor's and no one is home. Deep breath Rachel, get his water shut off. Called the water company, they can't just turn off a neighbor's water because you ask them (duh, Rachel), called the non-emergency police number and talked to a very helpful officer and within minutes a big ol' fire truck was in front of my house. (Side note, Cooper is loving the water BTW, he's LAYING in the water in my house - the water hadn't seeped over to the furthest back wall in the living room, so there are dry places to lay, but NO, Cooper is chilling in the water and licking it off the carpet, sheesh.) So here are these three nice fire-fighting folks who train to save lives - but they're just here to shut off the water. They search my house, realize what I know - that's it coming from my neighbor's house - shut of my power and head back outside. I know, you're thinking, "Rachel, why didn't you just call your neighbor?" Well, dear friend, it never occurred to me to get his number. He was going to clean up the place and rent it out and we'd only met once or twice. (You'll be happy to know I do have his number... now...) They walk around and look inside and are getting ready to bust in the door when my neighbor shows up, he actually lives nearby and I think he saw the truck and drove over to see why it was in front of his house. He and the firefighters head in and find INCHES of water covering the first floor. The culprit - he had his water turned on earlier that day and the previous owner had removed the washer but left the valve open. Hey - so - lesson to all of you purchasing a home - be there when the water is turned on or make sure EVERYTHING water could come out of is off.
Here I am thinking, "I have a little girl coming over tomorrow for the weekend, what do I do now?" I called the placement coordinator and told her the situation, she was going to see if she could find another family to take her. I call my parents, boyfriend, insurance and ServPro. Fast forward to 9:30pm and my first floor has half a dozen industrial fans blowing and a dehumidifier running. My parents had come over - originally to see how they could help - but we ended up hanging out and watching an episode of the X-Files (which I recently found on Netflix and began watching, had to sleep with a light on after the first few episodes...) My boyfriend had come over with the snack I requested - chips and dip. My head was spinning and no one else had been found to watch the little girl. "Okay, Rachel, this is what adults train for: stressful situations that need to be put in their place. Get organized and get your head in the game." Yeah, whatever, I went to bed...
Friday morning rolls around. I'm watching an adorable two-year-old for a few hours and am exhausted from the evening before. I rec'd a call on the way to watch her that a family had been found - but I'm feeling more in control of the situation and had been looking forward to a girly weekend - so I say I'm still game to watch her. Then I get another call. It's the one. THE ONE. The one that has changed my life. It was about the little brothers, the 4 and 1 year old. The four year old was going with family but DSS was going to court to get the one year old removed. Would I take a one year old boy as an emergency placement if he was removed from his home? UH - YES! People Places then did one of the many things they do best - they set a game plan. They would call back the other family to do respite for the little girl and I would get the little boy - if he was removed. There were a lot of moving parts to the situation, a lot of phone calls, and a million thoughts running through my head. The outcome: I picked up the sweet girl from school, took her for frozen yogurt, explained what was happening and then took her to People Places to play until the other family could come get her. While I was there "J" arrived and I was an instant foster-mom.
I have a million more things to share about these first, almost-three-weeks, and hope to get them written down soon - but reliving all of the above sure took a lot out of me. It also reminded me that I have an appt today with an insurance adjuster and that I'm tired of dealing with insurance.
To be continued...
Saturday, August 6, 2016
I'm official!!
 | ||
| I'm official!! |
I found out that I was certified a few minutes before 3pm on Tuesday, August 2nd when I got a phone call from People Places. The short version is: Hi, congratulations, you're certified. And I have a possible placement for you. I was floored. I'm actually certified for two children, as long as the oldest is no older than 3 years old. (It has to do with beds, bedrooms, sharing, etc.) However, the two children I was asked about were older and I do not have two beds for them. There was also the option (which is usually not preferred) to split them up. I did consider the younger of the two, but ended up saying no. No. I said no to helping a young girl. No. No, this doesn't sound like the right fit.
I still can't believe that I said no, but it didn't sound like the right fit for me. I still think about the fact that I said that, but I also believe that when the right fit comes along I will be able to help however God and the child need. I'm probably going to have to say no again, and I will probably not feel super about it. But I trust God that I will know when to say yes and that God will guide and instruct me if I listen and pay attention.
About an hour or so after the initial call I received another. PP found placements for both girls but the placement for the older of the sisters needed respite this weekend, as the foster family had already planned a trip out of town and would not be able to take her. I got off the phone promising to check my schedule and call back shortly. I looked things over, gave it some thought, then I called back and said YES! Yes, I'd help. After that I started a mental list of things I needed to purchase, things I needed to do, etc. This would be a great start to my foster care adventure. An older girl for two nights. The foster family she would be going to Tuesday evening and I could be in touch and I could get some details. I was happy I said yes.
So there ya go! I'm hopping in the car and on the way to the store, thinking about a million things at once. The drive is about 10-15 minutes. Before I get to the store my phone rings, again. It's People Places, again. I'm told that the Department of Social Services (DSS) where the girls live ended up going with another foster care placement agency, for whatever reason, and I would not be needed to help with respite over the weekend.
So, a little side note/explanation. When DSS believes the time they'll be spending in court that day will end with children being removed from their current home, they have more than one person/agency which they call. I don't know all the details or proper words, but I know that they usually contact more than one foster care agency with the hopes that, between all of them, there will be at least one family who can take the children. So... I could get a call one day with details about a kid in need of a foster home that evening. However, that child may not be removed from his/her home and he/she may end up in a different foster care agency.
Back to Tuesday. All of the above happened within three hours. So... I guess this is my life now. Will the phone ring today? Will it be the right fit today? Will the child be removed today? Will the DSS place them through People Places today? Lots of questions, and no concrete answers until the child is in my home.
Additionally, you know I've come to realize that the hope is to NEVER have a foster child. If I have a foster child that means a child has possibly been abused or neglected, if I have a foster child in my home it means that a judge feels the home a child in is not safe. We need a world where foster families are not needed. A world where each and every child is safe and unconditionally loved and respected. But, until that world exists I will continue to answer phone calls from People Places and do my best to be the type of adult in a child's life that my parents were and still are in mine.